Funeral Flower Etiquette: What to Send and What to Avoid
Choosing flowers for a funeral can feel harder than it should, especially if you're not sure what's expected or you're worried about getting it wrong at a time when getting things right matters. There's no single set of rules, and families and cultures vary, but this guide covers the general etiquette most people are looking for, along with what to check first if you're at all unsure.
In this guide:
- Check the family's wishes first
- Who typically sends what
- What to avoid
- What to write on the card
- Casket sprays, wreaths, and other tribute types
- Frequently asked questions
Check the family's wishes first
Before anything else, look at the order of service, the funeral notice, or ask whoever is organising the service whether flowers are welcome at all. Some families ask for donations to a charity instead, and it's increasingly common to see “family flowers only” requested, meaning flowers are welcome from immediate family but other mourners are asked to donate or send nothing. Following this is the single most important piece of etiquette — it matters more than anything about the flowers themselves.
If flowers are welcome, it's also worth checking whether the family has asked for anything specific, such as a particular colour, or flowers only rather than wreaths, which sometimes happens with woodland or natural burials.
Who typically sends what
There's a loose convention, though it's not a strict rule, for who sends which type of tribute:
- Immediate family — often choose a casket spray or a larger tribute, sometimes with a personal touch like a favourite flower or a name or letter tribute
- Close family and friends — a wreath, posy, or sheaf is common, usually smaller than the family's tribute
- Colleagues and wider acquaintances — a smaller posy, basket, or a single spray is generally more appropriate than something large and elaborate, so it doesn't overshadow the family's own tribute
None of this is fixed, and a modest, thoughtfully chosen posy is never the wrong choice if you're unsure.
What to avoid
A few things are worth being aware of, more out of consideration than strict rule:
- Overly bright or celebratory arrangements, unless you know the family has specifically asked for a colourful, celebratory tone, which some families do request, particularly for a life well lived rather than a sombre service
- Very strongly scented flowers in large quantities, particularly for a service held in a small chapel or crematorium, where a strong scent can be overwhelming in an enclosed space
- Anything overly large relative to your relationship to the person who has died — a huge tribute from a distant acquaintance can look out of place next to the family's own flowers
- Balloons, novelty items, or anything that doesn't suit the tone of a funeral, even if it reflects the person's personality — if in doubt, a card message is a better place for personal touches than the flowers themselves
What to write on the card
Keep it simple. A short, sincere message is always more appropriate than something long or elaborate. A few starting points:
- “With deepest sympathy, thinking of you at this difficult time”
- “In loving memory, you will be missed”
- “With love and fondest memories”
Sign with your name, and your relationship to the person if the family may not immediately place who you are, particularly for colleagues or more distant acquaintances.
Casket sprays, wreaths, and other tribute types
If you're not familiar with the different types of funeral tribute, a few of the most common are worth knowing:
- Casket spray — a substantial arrangement designed to sit on top of the casket, generally sent by immediate family
- Funeral wreath — the traditional circular tribute, often chosen by close family or friends
- Posy or basket — a smaller, self-contained arrangement, well suited to colleagues, wider friends, or anyone wanting something more modest
- Sheaf — a loose, gathered arrangement of long-stemmed flowers, tied rather than arranged in a container
- Letters and tributes — flowers arranged to spell a name, or shaped into something personal such as a heart, generally reserved for immediate family
Frequently asked questions
Is it ever wrong to send flowers to a funeral?
The main thing to check is whether the family has requested “family flowers only” or donations instead, which should always be followed. Outside of that, flowers are rarely the wrong choice, though a smaller, more modest tribute is usually more appropriate the more distant your relationship to the person who has died.
What if I don't know the family's wishes?
Check the funeral notice or order of service first. If there's genuinely no indication either way, a modest posy or small arrangement, delivered to the funeral director rather than a large ostentatious tribute, is a safe and appropriate choice.
Should funeral flowers always be white?
No, though white and soft neutral tones remain the most traditional choice. Many families now welcome or specifically request colour, particularly to reflect the personality of the person who has died. If you're unsure, softer tones are a safer default than very bright or celebratory colours.
Can I send flowers directly to the family's home instead of the funeral?
Yes, and this is a thoughtful option, particularly for close friends or family who want to send something more personal, or if the funeral itself has asked for family flowers only. A home delivery in the days after the service is often appreciated as much as, if not more than, flowers at the service itself.
How soon before the funeral do I need to order?
Ideally a few days' notice, but funeral flowers are one of the few occasions where most florists, including us, will do everything possible to accommodate short notice. If you're up against a tight timeframe, it's worth calling directly rather than relying on an online order.
How much do funeral flowers usually cost?
Cost varies a good deal depending on the type of tribute — a small posy costs considerably less than a full casket spray, for example — and on the flowers chosen. Rather than guess at a figure here, the most reliable way to get an accurate price is to get in touch or browse our funeral flowers directly, and we're always happy to talk through options at different budgets.
If you'd like help choosing something appropriate, browse our funeral flowers or get in touch and we can talk it through with you.